worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
