Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
