This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
