He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize