Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
