I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
