Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
