Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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