i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
