I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
