There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
