3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
