walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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