The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
