I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
