u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
