I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She's JV to your varsity
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize