i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
