...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
