He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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