I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize