Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
