That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize