then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
