Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
