dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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