are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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