I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize