You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
