how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
