drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
