Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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