You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
