You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
