I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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