I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize