What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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