He had one of those small greek statue penises
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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