I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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