Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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