I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
