Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
