I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
