And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
