Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
