dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
