I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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