The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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