I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
