If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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