I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize