Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
