dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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