vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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