peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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