I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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