people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
