So drunk its hurt
only if we run a train.
done.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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