Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
