There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
