YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
