clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
