I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there was a trapeze. enough said
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
