Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
