Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
