we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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