I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
