I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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