Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
