Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They took my balls.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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