sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just found puke in my bra..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
