does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
