He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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