Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
