Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
