Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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