How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
