Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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